Platoon?

          So alot of people out there have a problem with my homeboy Charles Darwin and my numerous referrals to his Natural Selection theory. Stop jelling, the dude is famous, you're not. If you want groupies, learn to play the guitar, play a couple of jingles while you're half-shaven, and once u start attending all the right parties, everything will fix itself up. But don't go around messing with any of my dawgs, or I might just "naturally" select your progeny off the future of mankind. Terminator-style. I'll be back. Hail to the Governator.

          So, moving from biology to social psychology. I have a personal theory, but I like to keep that to myself. My less personal theory consists of three frames:

• Frame 1: People tend to be stupid especially when they're under the effect of some form of some intense emotion. Suicidal behaviour is not uncommon.
• Frame 2: The age range between 16-22 years old has the unique characteristic of having the most gullible and naive mentalities ever. If you want someone who's easy to convince and who has the physical capability to wreak havoc, that's a nice age range to start targeting. They rarely change their perspective with age, which would be to your advantage, seeing as it is actually YOUR perspective.
• Frame 3: When the general literate population is below half, and when the highly educated sector of a society reads what's worth 2 books per annum, and when these 2 books are religious books, meaning that they tackle issues well beyond the scope of our lifetime, then you know you have a problem, especially if such a population decides they're all great political analysts when they haven't owned two history or politics books to rub together.

So what's the product of this theory? The flock of sheep concept is much closer and much more significant than you would like to think.

         What kind of mobile phone accessory shop doesn't sell chargers? Seriously? That's disturbing.

         T.I pops bottles but he doesn't pour. That's important.

         Why is the default colour for msn messenger blue? It doesn't even look good as a background for the Microsoft logo. So it's either a frame, consumed fruit or polar birds? That's messed up.

         Anyone own a Kindle? Are they any good?

         You know you're in trouble when your population rise rates are lower than those of Mexico but your produce includes Justin Bieber. If you're not fond of your citizens' ability to reproduce, you could have at least come up with someone to save you some face, Canada.

         How I Met Your Mother? You would't want to know, kid, but let's just say you can call me Daddy.

         Vampire Diaries? What kind of pussy vampire keeps a diary? And if it's not a vampire's diary, then why is it called Vampire Diaries? You're not making sense.

          House? Yeah, it's a very common name. People usually own one. I love this guy. AND I actually know what the patient suffers from. I'm superior to you other viewer people!

         Grey's anatomy? Let;s just say if we find the similarities between Grey's Anatomy and the actual Gray's Anatomy, we'll only end up with the female and male genitalia.

         Scrubs? Well, I have news for you, pops, doctors don't walk around in their scrubs, and this show is as medically oriented as my lunch.

         Nip/Tuck? Dope, with lots of hot women involved. Too plastic though, and I don't think this is a coincidence. Good director. Disturbed characters.

         Lost? F*** you.

        CSI? I'm not buying it you bunch of police officer/forensic analyst wannabes.

        Big Bang Theory? If I want to see lifeless nerds, I'd just go to college.

       You, dear sir/madam, hold no interest for me whatsoever. So yeah.

"Platter, Clatter, Shatter, Stammer,

Sapper, Tapper, Capper and everything ending in -er"

        

Russian Mafia Dude

         This blogpost is a special request by someone I consider to be a very special person, but now, it most probably is not you, so don't get your hopes up. Don't worry though, there's plenty of Ismail to go around, ladies ;)

         So, with the emotions running high and the IQ running scarce these days, it's hard for people to keep their cool and remain objective about things. Thank you, Charles Darwin, for introducing us to Natural Selection, because it provides a very simple explanation for this phenomenon: in a few millenia, all idiots will be wiped off the Earth to make way for the progeny of the reasonable, objective reasonable minded people who aren't too fond of wrecking their own futures with their own hands for lack of a better thing to do.

        Personally speaking, I find listening to rap very soothing in times of turmoil, as well, in all other times. This particular song I'm listening to is about how men prefer women who are both "book AND street smart", alongside another set of qualities that includes independence, acceptance and being HOT HOT HOT. so, ladies, stop worrying about whether you look fat in those jeans, because, if you don't receive an average of 3 comments per day on those, then your man would appreciate having your attention directed to something that holds more interest to him.

         Peanuts and tuna. Can't see the relation? Let's see how peanuts and tuna can be combined. The least creative way: chuck em together and eat. Not too creative, and the Chinese have been mixing nuts with meat for ages. You suck. But how about we process tuna in machinery made of lots and lots of peanuts? We'd have peanut flavouerd tuna. Or maybe we can compress tuna into peanut sized capsules? All the goodness and nutrition of tuna in an easy-to-administer form. Great consumer compliance, don't you think?

        Why would anyone call a label Young Money? I've never seen a newly-formed currency with a high international value. I dunno whether the problem lies with rappers' vision of economics, or with mine, but I think rappers could think better names up. Just saying.

         Vampire Diaries is a cheap ripoff of Twilight which is a cheap ripoff of Harry Potter. Just last night, instead of revising my culture media so I can actually get the question I got on my question today right, I kept trying to breed vampires with other forms of awesome lifeforms in my head trying to achieve the ultimate combo. Ninja vampires, not too awesome. Pirate Vampires? Meh. What really kicked me in the gnads, in a good way, was Gangsta Vampires. Now that would be dope, they'd totally jack the car of that pussy white suburb rapper Edward Cullen. Pop a cap in his sparkly ass too. They can't read either. Totally gangsta, kool-aid forever.

          My nose is cold. I guess that's why people get married, to find someone to help them warm their noses up. Or to cook when their mums kick them out of the house and they risk starvation. I'm hungry.


         Y'all are boring, how come you never say anything?


"Karma is a chick, You gotta treat her like your aunt Pat,
Buy her affection with jewels, tell her she ain't fat"

Infidelty Galore

          I hate January.

          I just caught myself staring into the distance, lips puckered, and thanking how much cake I'd have to eat for my pancreas to fail.

          I couldn't figure out how much cake I needed to eat.

          Why do we wrap women up? The only proper reason I could think of was to make sure they're all suffering from osteomalacia. I'm not buying the whole society thing, because historical case studies show disturbing homosexuality-related reasons that would refute this whole theory. It must be the osteomalacia.

          How much funding would I need to start my own international news agency?

          I've always wanted to learn how to make ship-inside-a-bottle models. They're just fascinating!

          My cat likes sauteed vegetables. Particularly cauliflower. True story.

          Edeeny fel 5eleejeyat!

          Of vinegar and bowel movements: the combination of the two isn't synergistic. Stop drinking vinegar, people. Or at least replace it with something along the lines of RedBull and Vodka. It'll taste better.

         I'm bored, but I'll be back with more. As soon as I feel like it :)


         "Strawberry mushroom, cookie and cake,
          Please go buy me a goose milkshake"