Circus Balloons

          Am I the only blogpost user who thinks the "Monetise" button at the top of the screen is just too damn weird? I feel the urge to rap it out though "Monetise, get them crowds hypnotised, weed's legalised, my sextape's scandalised, my dick is paralysed, shove two fingers in your eyes, something something that actually flies" w keda w beta3. How have I not launched my professional rap career is beyond me, but rumour has it, I'm so dope I'd cook all those rappers more than my burned tires at the traffic light at the junction between share3 el manial w share3 el rouda. That's how we do it, brah.

         I'd like us all to share a moment of silence, to mourn the death of the toupee-master Ibrahim El-Fekky. I'm actually kidding, I think he's a waste of talent, they could've used him to empower the people or some other shit, instead, he's telling people to think and sense and that kinda shit to improve their lives instead of jumping off their obese arses and actually doing shit. And don't get me started on The Secret. Seriously? Secretly that Newton, Shakespeare,  Einstein, your momma, and countless others all knew and helped them excel? It's very convenient, claiming that people who are long since dead and can not possibly deny your claims, have used the secret you, of all people, have distilled into an obscenely expensive booklet with that wax seal impression on the cover to convey a feeling of faux-authenticity. It works on the profitable audience for this type of book; namely obese women and teenagers, but I'd hate it to break it to you, you are so insignificant in the universe the only way you can attract something good in your life is to better invest the money you spent on this book in something profitable. Start a business. Organise your own private army. Try to distil liquor out of oysters and sell it to the filthy rich. The possibilities are endless.

          You know what's sad about the new generation? They've softened the definition of an arrogant asshole into "not nice". You walk down the street when you see a 4 year old kid who smashed his new Blackberry on his sister's head. And when you offer to help, or ask where his mum is or whatever act of good nature you could think of, odds are, the kid will give you a very filthy look and either start blowing his rape whistle or just tell you to suck his pre-pubertal dick or something. Then the mum turns up, you tell her what happened, and if she doesn't call the cops on you, she'll demand her son apologises for not being nice. This misconception extends with a kid throughout his early years until he graduates, or at least, goes through humbling shit of monumental proportions, then the work place and life will teach your kid the manners that you could not. Free of charge too. And then you keep whining that life doesn't drive you any good bargains ya we7esh ya 2asy.

          I think I've got concrete evidence that my cat is part chicken, part rabbit, part PC gamer and gifted*. He is also as black as a motherfucker in the face and he likes bananas and pita bread. Any genealogy experts willing to analyse his genome, for free, are most welcome to step up. He's also available for birthday parties and those wishing to distract their wives/girlfriends. Bitches love the kitty.

*Gifted = retarded


"Nigga don't act like a bitch, that's why I don't got love for a bitch" - E40 ft Too Short and missing a grammar textbook.