Chicken Carnival

          This post is, once again, upon the request of a friend of a very good friend of mine, whom I've just been informed is a regular reader of mine, and I just can't say no to one of these folks, they're the best. I really have no idea why she hadn't asked me for a new post personally, but that's not for me to decide - but shout out to everyone out there, I don't bite, especially if you're a lady, who doesn't want my money.

         So while logging in and checking my dashboard, I noticed that a friend of mine had a recent post about Vampires, so I wrote a comment on her post,and quoting myself: "couple of ma3loomat that u might find interesting:

-the myth of vampires started besabab two medical conditions, one that makes your skin extremely sensitive to light, so sensitive, in fact, that mediocre sunlight exposure can cause burns and skin cancer, and a couple of years back, there was a bit of news about a family people attacked here in Egypt because they wouldn't ever go out during day time. they had this condition, it's genetic. The other condition makes your blood hemoglobin count extremely low, so you end up craving foods rich in iron, such as raw liver and, the best source of iron ever, fresh blood.

-Ma3looma tania, did u know that, sicne vampries are always depicted as filthy rich, and somewhat leisurely, their myths have only appeared in historical times and areas that have been in economical abundance, but myths about zombies and ragged, dead corpses in general, have only sprung up in poor areas such as the Caribbean islands. Can you see the connection? " Please excuse the sloppy grammar and language, I was hungry at the time. I'd like to elaborate on that subject, mythology and its roots and cultural implications is a very significant topic in my life and I'd love to do it justice, but maybe not this time, because I'm hungry, so if I find that enough people are interested, it might just make it to the top of my "To Be Blabbed About" list.

          Now, the reason why I'm hungry, it's called a gym, which I think sounds much better than "gymnasium" which makes guys everywhere sound like a bunch of stretch pants-wearing pansies who love to do somersaults and jumping jacks and this sort of monkey shit. Gym sounds so much better, so much manlier, short, concise, gorilla-like. Very astutely named. I have found your average gym to represent all levels of the masculine society, as smelly and beautifully uncivilized as it is. On the one hand, you find the beefcakes, who usually keep to themselves and other beefcakes, who look intimidating and they know it, so they bask in its power (the equivalent of the dumb blonde, except that, smart people can grow muscles, dumb blondes, dumb brunettes and dumb everything can't grow brains), and on the other you find the skinny carrots, fumbling around with their tiny dumbbells and unloaded barbells like the cute squirrels they are, relatively speaking, and in between the two aforementioned categories you find everything from the weird ass foreigners, the flirters, the homos, the wannabes, and 2arrareen (doesn't have a satisfactory English equivalent, my apologies to my cosmopolitan readers). What does that mean? It means that women definitely do not appreciate how much effort it takes to bench press that loaded barbell, the same way men don't appreciate how much effort it must take chicks to wax, or whatever it is that chicks do. Point is, we do it, so if we ever catch you walking around with a visible moustache, we won't be happy, and I'm addressing a certain group of girls you must have guessed by now if you've heard me whine about that topic enough.

           Moving on to a more interesting topic: the theater. I watched an amateur play very recently, and  I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, but for some reason, watching a play is still a complicated deal for me. The script writing for plays is just so, let's face it, mind boggling at time. I mean, what about Shakespeare? Crazy scripts, they just compel you to stop, and try to think about things, and the way the actors just stop between lines, I guess I'm just a movie person, fast paced. However, I've acted in enough plays to realise how much effort needs to be put into a project like the one I've enjoyed, and so I'd like to raise a glass, my hat, and various other objects to all the fabulous ladies who helped make my night, and several others', very enjoyable.

          Aaaaaaaaaaaand it's 1.30 am already. It's funny how time flies, especially if you're writing a blog post while simultaneously checking facebook and msn. It's funny how half my Facebook is suddenly obssessed with Douglas Adams, and it's funny how everyone thought I was a retard when I had my share of his writings. God, I love this guy and all 6 books of his "increasingly inaccurately-called trilogy". Towels, beautiful things. If you haven't read his work, then, I suggest you go read Barney Stinson's The Bro Code, if you're a dude, that'll help cut down on some of the retarded behaviour I get to endure on a daily basis. More and more guys are starting to act like their Y chromosome has gone out to walk the dog and never came back, yes, all 3 trillion versions of their Y chromosomes from all their cells have walked out on them, and this spells a lot of abandonment issues, and red skinny pants. I've also noticed that, the less Y chromosomes a guy's got, the larger are his bicep and dog, and it seems like everyone's walking around with a dog these days, it's so commonplace it's a testimonial to how superficial and shallow women are if they're still running around giving every guy with a cute dog some attention: Newsflash ladies; he couldn't care less about the dog if it didn't get him some hot female, so get over yourselves, and besides, huge slobbering pitbulls with narrow eyes are definitely not cute.

          So I guess that's enough for one post, but for dessert, I'd like to leave y'all with some food for thought:
"What would life look like from the perspective of a bsaketball?"

Corn Beer Stasis

          Of all the stupid things I did today ( the full list comprising such actions as waking up late, sitting next to a full-blown nerd in class and skipping breakfast) I have just committed that stupidest: I started thinking. And what better to think about but the very niceties and happy moments of the past? (Note: for full understanding of that last statement, kindly refer to your sense of sarcasm). rummaging through the ancient contents of my ancient computer (most archaeologists are of the opinion that Zeinhom, my computer, is an illegitimate son of the first computer, Colossus), i found my old chat logs. End of story. so, Unca' Ismail, what have we learned from this eventful story? Let me show you:

• About 50% of the people you used to know are now classified as jerks. this list increases in size in proportion to the time you realise you have spent without talking to them.
• You used to write like ass back then, but without so much cussing.
• You used to be a hippie/loser/mummy's boy/daddy's boy/insert whatever you like here, and this applies to everyone.
• You had a shitty taste in music but you couldn't picture yourself listening to something else.
• The terms Bieber and Friday did not mean anything to you.
• You thought you knew what you were doing, which is the primary reason why, now, you're fucked.
• All your pictures were horrible and you have no idea how you could stand living with that face.
• You thought the PS3 was cool.
• You had a sappy taste in movies.
• You did not, and still do not, read my damn blog.
• You wish you could've gone back there to repair all the damage you've done, which brings me to an important topic I'd love to discuss with myself, and y'all can sit there and watch:

If you could travel back in time and patch your life back up, would/could you?

Now, some people wouldn't like how i assumed you could go back in time, and then asked if you could fix all your problems, but those are the ones who didn't pay attention/did not read enough sci-fi novels. You see, if you have acquired the wisdom, now, to go out there, remember what you've said/done, realise it's wrong, go back, say the right things, and voila everything would be ok again, then you simply have not learned from that situation you messed up, therefore you will not have accumulated enough wisdom through learning from your mistakes, to realise it was a mistake and be able to fix it, unless you've accumulated that wisdom through another mistake, in which case you will still have a mistake and you've done absolutely nothing. Another thing, if you go back in time, will you appear as a second version of yourself, or will you assume your old self's body and mind? Because, if you assume a second version of yourself, this means that, for every second the present spends without you, every moment in the future that depends on those few seconds/minutes/whatever, will depend on you not existing, so basically you will mess the future up. If you assume your older self's mind and body, then, naturally, you assume the same wisdom and will do the same stupid mistake over and over again, and naturally, you will not know you had a time machine so you will have no way of returning to the future except through living it all over again up to the moment when you start the time machine, and that's when you disappear fromt he timeline, so it's like you're dead/disappeared to the world, but you're immortal, stuck in a vicious circle of time travel which can never be broken.

As for whether or not you're LIKE that to happen, well, you wouldn't know, but let me tell you this, she might seem hot and very sensual, but she has the power to make hell sound like your life's baby sister. Trust me on that. If you don't, and you end up getting married, don't forget to invite me to the wedding. I like turkey, beef, and venison. Lay off the pork and that funky rabbit/pigeon meat. And have an open cocktail bar. That's always fun.

So, seriously, was that stupid mistake worth it all? In my case, yes, it would've been, but then again, that might not have been the case. I need to go back in time and learn mind-reading to be able to answer that question satisfactorily.

          Who else thinks Prince Charles of the House of Windsor, Duke of Cornwall and Crown Prince to the British throne, is a total ass? Because it seems like most Brits aren't too fond of my opinion. Prudes ..

          Windsor is such a funny name. Lol.

          I was staring blankly out of my window, and I thought I'd google this and put it in my blog, so there:

I think it looks funky

That's all for today, midgets.
"couraged innovation then, whereas high wages or labor scarcity now simulate the search for technical solutions" - the first one and a half lines of the first page I opened by pure chance, page 250, of the first book I pulled, by chance, from my library, called Guns, Germs and Steel, by Jared Diamond