So a friend of mine asks me to start writing about hating cold. Cold is funny, in a way, people who hate it do so for the exact same reason that those who like it feel that way for; the need to snuggle into bed with a hot drink while the winds roar outside and all that crap. Winter is cold. Cold is dangerous to your body that's why it's less bearable and more horrible. Do not support the cold by attempting to poke fun at it. I could use a warm jacuzzi dip right now.
There's a 60 cm high mosque, a miniature in marble, on the floor. I'll guess we'll never know the reason why its taking up space in the living room.
Instead of writing marble in the paragraph above, I wrote garlic at first, for some reason. I was probably sleepy.
I'm listening to a song about a guy who knows the weedman. Apparently that's something big. I don't know any weedmen though. Must have something to do with the fact that I don't do weed. but still, if they have songs about weedmen, why don't I know one?
So I'm watching the King Kong remake. Good movie. Lotsof hype at Universal Studios in LA too. The King Kong vs T-Rex scene is legendary. Just like Barney Stinson, only less blond and less formally dressed.
It's funny how today was the exact mirror image of a day that happened 9 months ago. I like mirror images, they show irony, and I lvoe a touch of irony in life, it makes everything vastly more interesting.
How come I usually write really long paragraphs, only this time I decided to keep everything brisk and short? For some reason, short seems crisp at the moment, and I like crisp, it's usually very refreshing.
Apparently a friend of mine thinks my aura is red coloured. Cool, right?
How come all female-oriented ads are about moisturizers these days? What happened to good-ol'-fashioned water? Don't people drink that anymore? True moisture comes from the inside, people, and no, Gordon's Dry gin doesn't count.
King Kong is a really sad movie. It sends its point across very well. Which is the real beast, the furry primate or the bipedal one? You be the judge.
Peanuts are fun.
That's it for now, But I promise I'll be back soon with a new post.
"Ey mama, I know the weedman"
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Partners in Slime
Justin Bieber. Boogers. What do they have in common? Alot, but I won't be elaborating since some ladies actually read this. I'm not too worried about the ladies being effish, i's just that women put a damper on men's jokes. Just saying, Lord LG. Life's Good.
Some people are special. Some people are worth little less than the amount of interest the average Joe pays tot he inscriptions on the sewer lids. But enough about those, let's rewind tot he special ones. I personally have a number of categories for those. Examples: those who would tolerate listening to ur music without complaining too much. Those who would write stories with small inside jokes for your amusement. Those who would risk loads to go out there and help you out. Those who would make something as simple as sitting in a car a very memorable experience. Those who would make you make fun of them just for the fun of it. Those who wear silvery purple nailpolish (I like silvery purple). Those who can cook, and are willing to feed you. Et cetera.
German is the only language in which you have to capitalise the nouns as a rule. Arabic is the only language with an individual letter symbolising a stressed D syllable. English is the only language in which it is grammatically acceptable to say "like" so many times, with side effects including you sounding like a moron.French is the only language that makes you sound like something that bleeds every 28 days. Ialian is the only language, besides Arabic, in which sharsha7a can be a well-practiced art. Esperanto is the only language that makes you feel like you've got it all under control but then you realise you're still a dumdum. You speak German?
Caramel's burned sugar, so to say. But if we add burned sugar to chocolate which contains unburnt sugar, it tastes good. Try adding burned bread to unburnt bread. It'll still taste horrible. so what's the secret? I have no idea. 2Pac once said "They say the darker the berry, the sweeter the fruit, well i say the darker the colour, the deeper the roots". I know he wasn't talking about caramel, but does that mean that the darker the caramel the deeper the sugar plantation? Let's assum,e therte is such a thing as a deep sugar plantation. does that mean the sugar canes grow underground? Ants will have a field day, so it's not too practical. But it does mean we'll have managed to genetically engineer a plant that needs no light to grow. What's next, a World of Warcraft who won't get addicted? Get real, people.
That's all for tonight. not in a very talkative mood, but I'll leave you with one of my world-famous lines:
If the Aztecs used cocoa beans for money, and we print banknotes out of paper, how come we keep on saying that money doesn't grow on trees?
Adiaux
Some people are special. Some people are worth little less than the amount of interest the average Joe pays tot he inscriptions on the sewer lids. But enough about those, let's rewind tot he special ones. I personally have a number of categories for those. Examples: those who would tolerate listening to ur music without complaining too much. Those who would write stories with small inside jokes for your amusement. Those who would risk loads to go out there and help you out. Those who would make something as simple as sitting in a car a very memorable experience. Those who would make you make fun of them just for the fun of it. Those who wear silvery purple nailpolish (I like silvery purple). Those who can cook, and are willing to feed you. Et cetera.
German is the only language in which you have to capitalise the nouns as a rule. Arabic is the only language with an individual letter symbolising a stressed D syllable. English is the only language in which it is grammatically acceptable to say "like" so many times, with side effects including you sounding like a moron.French is the only language that makes you sound like something that bleeds every 28 days. Ialian is the only language, besides Arabic, in which sharsha7a can be a well-practiced art. Esperanto is the only language that makes you feel like you've got it all under control but then you realise you're still a dumdum. You speak German?
Caramel's burned sugar, so to say. But if we add burned sugar to chocolate which contains unburnt sugar, it tastes good. Try adding burned bread to unburnt bread. It'll still taste horrible. so what's the secret? I have no idea. 2Pac once said "They say the darker the berry, the sweeter the fruit, well i say the darker the colour, the deeper the roots". I know he wasn't talking about caramel, but does that mean that the darker the caramel the deeper the sugar plantation? Let's assum,e therte is such a thing as a deep sugar plantation. does that mean the sugar canes grow underground? Ants will have a field day, so it's not too practical. But it does mean we'll have managed to genetically engineer a plant that needs no light to grow. What's next, a World of Warcraft who won't get addicted? Get real, people.
That's all for tonight. not in a very talkative mood, but I'll leave you with one of my world-famous lines:
If the Aztecs used cocoa beans for money, and we print banknotes out of paper, how come we keep on saying that money doesn't grow on trees?
Adiaux
Saturday, 30 October 2010
The Pacific Dilemma
"So where there's smoke there's fire, where there's fire there's flames, where there's flames there's Chronic, either you high or you ain't" - Dr. Dre.
"It must be the ganja, it's the marijuana, that's creepin' up on me, why I'm so high" - Eminem
Why have I started my blogpost with two rap weed-related quotes? No idea.
So what with Ye7ya being in the Grammys, Wezza's video spreading like wildfire, pussy AUCians protesting over some pussy shit and my cursing levels reaching this month's high, it's been a very nice October, thank you for asking. Yesterday I heard this really great joke. Remind me to tell you about it later in this post. What's up with hair ointment advertisements these days? What kind of idiot really believes that olive oil/mayonnaise extract/wheat extract/cactus juice/snakeskin fat can nourish hair? Seriously? I mean, last time I checked, hair was, kind of, like, a dead structure, and, well, zombies aside, most dead things don't usually require too much nutrition, you know. Besides, for something that 97% protein and 3% water, it sure does require loads of fat for nourishment, what's with all these oils, don't you think? Someone should sue, but I won't, I'll be the skeptic viewer watching the trial on TV and making fun of everyone. Oh, wait, they've banned the media from trial halls. Crap.
"El-So2al dah VIP STUMP. 7ad fahem 7aga?". If this quote doesn't ring any bells, then you're welcome to skip this paragraph. What's up with Doctor catchphrases? Why would I care about Jewish pathologists? Why would you verbally abuse Jewish pathologists? Not only ave they created the science you teach as a means of feeding your family, you also suck at it more than they do. And what's with the worms guy, seriously. "Maho law kont betgeeb el 5eyar 3ashan taklo kont 3ereft"? Seriously? That's just wrong, dude. Lose the goatee. I wouldn't want to see my son grow up into this, let alone see myself grow up into this. It's a hard knock life.
What's up with trunks? From vegetables (Black Eyed Peas) ("whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?") to rapping M&M ("you got more junk in your trunk than I do in my car") and the world is still thinking about the common points between asses and graphics cards. Get over it people, they both give you something to look at. So now you can literally go to the "hood" to "pimp your ride" (your ride not being your car) and working on that front "bumper" and that "trunk", making it "bounce". Gotta love the innuendo. Or cars. Or women. OR Cars AND Women. What's the difference between 'em anyway, apart from the metal, and much lower running costs and the much lower word-spoken-per-minute rating? (You all know which of the pair I'm praising right now, don't you?).
So, I'm bored with this post, so I'll just leave you all with that joke I promised earlier:
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
"It must be the ganja, it's the marijuana, that's creepin' up on me, why I'm so high" - Eminem
Why have I started my blogpost with two rap weed-related quotes? No idea.
So what with Ye7ya being in the Grammys, Wezza's video spreading like wildfire, pussy AUCians protesting over some pussy shit and my cursing levels reaching this month's high, it's been a very nice October, thank you for asking. Yesterday I heard this really great joke. Remind me to tell you about it later in this post. What's up with hair ointment advertisements these days? What kind of idiot really believes that olive oil/mayonnaise extract/wheat extract/cactus juice/snakeskin fat can nourish hair? Seriously? I mean, last time I checked, hair was, kind of, like, a dead structure, and, well, zombies aside, most dead things don't usually require too much nutrition, you know. Besides, for something that 97% protein and 3% water, it sure does require loads of fat for nourishment, what's with all these oils, don't you think? Someone should sue, but I won't, I'll be the skeptic viewer watching the trial on TV and making fun of everyone. Oh, wait, they've banned the media from trial halls. Crap.
"El-So2al dah VIP STUMP. 7ad fahem 7aga?". If this quote doesn't ring any bells, then you're welcome to skip this paragraph. What's up with Doctor catchphrases? Why would I care about Jewish pathologists? Why would you verbally abuse Jewish pathologists? Not only ave they created the science you teach as a means of feeding your family, you also suck at it more than they do. And what's with the worms guy, seriously. "Maho law kont betgeeb el 5eyar 3ashan taklo kont 3ereft"? Seriously? That's just wrong, dude. Lose the goatee. I wouldn't want to see my son grow up into this, let alone see myself grow up into this. It's a hard knock life.
What's up with trunks? From vegetables (Black Eyed Peas) ("whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?") to rapping M&M ("you got more junk in your trunk than I do in my car") and the world is still thinking about the common points between asses and graphics cards. Get over it people, they both give you something to look at. So now you can literally go to the "hood" to "pimp your ride" (your ride not being your car) and working on that front "bumper" and that "trunk", making it "bounce". Gotta love the innuendo. Or cars. Or women. OR Cars AND Women. What's the difference between 'em anyway, apart from the metal, and much lower running costs and the much lower word-spoken-per-minute rating? (You all know which of the pair I'm praising right now, don't you?).
So, I'm bored with this post, so I'll just leave you all with that joke I promised earlier:
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Living Room Oil Spill
It's been a pretty hectic day. what with standing on sidewalks reminiscing on old memories while watching hungry stray cats sniff everything for food remains, to discussing why am I still standing there after class, and with people egging em to upload my blog, coughing, sleeping in class, having dreams in class, waking up in class, waking other people up in class, eating Sondos crepes, i'ev barely had time to breathe, eat, surf the web, chat online and make a couple of phone calls. They should definitely pay me for this.
My cat has a black nose. He's sitting on my lap as I write this. I love the little retarded furball.
Have you heard of Dr. Mousa and his schistosoma jokes? If not,t hen I don't suggest you try.
I like pomegranate, they're juicy and pink and delicious. They're good for you, way better laxative than cigarettes. go get your pomegranate NOW.
I will not buy a new phone that costs me Idon'tcarehowmany EGP a day so I can talk to my friends on the go. Whatever happened to ADSL and/or Ebuddy + WAP?
I gave someone I know a nickname a while back. An onomatopoeia nickname, matter of fact. I think it's cute. Don't go jelling, because you probably won't get one. This is Ismail's Royalty Treatment. Are you Royalty?
I think my cat's running on batteries.
Aaaaaaand that's all for tonight folks. As I always say, teeth are overrated. Mashed apples are too.
My cat has a black nose. He's sitting on my lap as I write this. I love the little retarded furball.
Have you heard of Dr. Mousa and his schistosoma jokes? If not,t hen I don't suggest you try.
I like pomegranate, they're juicy and pink and delicious. They're good for you, way better laxative than cigarettes. go get your pomegranate NOW.
I will not buy a new phone that costs me Idon'tcarehowmany EGP a day so I can talk to my friends on the go. Whatever happened to ADSL and/or Ebuddy + WAP?
I gave someone I know a nickname a while back. An onomatopoeia nickname, matter of fact. I think it's cute. Don't go jelling, because you probably won't get one. This is Ismail's Royalty Treatment. Are you Royalty?
I think my cat's running on batteries.
Aaaaaaand that's all for tonight folks. As I always say, teeth are overrated. Mashed apples are too.
Saturday, 14 August 2010
Comprehensive Calligraphy
Yes, everyone, it's true, this really IS my third post in two days. New personal record. Gold medal and red carpet treatment for me then. I've only bothered to write this thing is because I've promised a really good friend of mine, that I will. And, I did, duh. This means that this post will revolve entirely around things we both have discussed in the near or far past, present or future, so, don't be alarmed if you understand absolutely nothing, but be comforted that, someone out there actually knows what I'm talking about.
Kids. 4 letters, big meanings. Small brats who poop their pants, drool all over the Persian carpet and yell all the time, or adorable little beings with soft skin and limited intelligence and life-expertise that makes us wan to go all aww? You be the judge. The ability to fall in love instantaneously with a wrinkled, red, hairy grubby creature that's been leeching nutrients off you-making it the biggest form of parasite ever, right after that jerk of a roommate we all have- has always been something experienced, and enjoyed, by women. The same can't be said for men, who, for obvious reasons, have a natural aversion to anything wrinkled, hairy, red or anything that couldn't be placed on the cover of Vogue anyway. Women who are good with children are really attractive to men, though, so it can be all-bad, can it? We learn to live with it, because some things are more important than others, such as, hmm, gouda cheese and Old Spice cologne.
Huge bosoms attract men. Granted. Moustaches do not. Granted. What I do find inexplicable is, despite all the pretenses men give while around their guy-friends, which may, or may not, include references to the redhead who just passed by, or to the foreign girl they just happened to take home the other night, they still manage to fall for charm that does not require eyes and a hugely-sexually-centred visual centre in the brain. Men still can appreciate efficiency, sweetness and care, but they are still confusing idiots, make no mistake. Try again in a couple of thousand millenia, maybe evolution would have helped.
It's funny how laughter can hold so many different meanings, if you set your mind to it. It also intrigues me how women can kickbox all day and still feel pain they can't help but feel. It's also funny how, at the end of the day, life goes on no matter how much crap is dumped all over our heads and despite everything we do to get ourselves to live with it. Life goes on, senorita, so you'd better keep going. Don't stop.
"We can have vasectomies, hysterectomies, tonsillectomies, but, even though people can technically remain physiologically alive without hearts, we've never head of a cardiectomy. Now you mention it, we haven't heard of a cerebrectomy either." - Ismail El-Kharbotly, open for interpretation.
Kids. 4 letters, big meanings. Small brats who poop their pants, drool all over the Persian carpet and yell all the time, or adorable little beings with soft skin and limited intelligence and life-expertise that makes us wan to go all aww? You be the judge. The ability to fall in love instantaneously with a wrinkled, red, hairy grubby creature that's been leeching nutrients off you-making it the biggest form of parasite ever, right after that jerk of a roommate we all have- has always been something experienced, and enjoyed, by women. The same can't be said for men, who, for obvious reasons, have a natural aversion to anything wrinkled, hairy, red or anything that couldn't be placed on the cover of Vogue anyway. Women who are good with children are really attractive to men, though, so it can be all-bad, can it? We learn to live with it, because some things are more important than others, such as, hmm, gouda cheese and Old Spice cologne.
Huge bosoms attract men. Granted. Moustaches do not. Granted. What I do find inexplicable is, despite all the pretenses men give while around their guy-friends, which may, or may not, include references to the redhead who just passed by, or to the foreign girl they just happened to take home the other night, they still manage to fall for charm that does not require eyes and a hugely-sexually-centred visual centre in the brain. Men still can appreciate efficiency, sweetness and care, but they are still confusing idiots, make no mistake. Try again in a couple of thousand millenia, maybe evolution would have helped.
It's funny how laughter can hold so many different meanings, if you set your mind to it. It also intrigues me how women can kickbox all day and still feel pain they can't help but feel. It's also funny how, at the end of the day, life goes on no matter how much crap is dumped all over our heads and despite everything we do to get ourselves to live with it. Life goes on, senorita, so you'd better keep going. Don't stop.
"We can have vasectomies, hysterectomies, tonsillectomies, but, even though people can technically remain physiologically alive without hearts, we've never head of a cardiectomy. Now you mention it, we haven't heard of a cerebrectomy either." - Ismail El-Kharbotly, open for interpretation.
Friday, 13 August 2010
Underrating Machine Guns
So, this marks the first blog post I happen to write while being food-deprived, which, as the people closest to me would know, is the third most dangerous state to be in. Food depravity, combined with dreams of cannibalistic party-goers and shiny neon green toxic bugs, are enough to drive anyone to the very brink of extinction. I had a theory a coupe of days back that the dinosaurs died out because they did not have the opposable thumbs to invent TV or writing, and after several million years of life on Earth, there are only so many things you can do, so one day, they just decided watching swamp plants die is too damn boring, and they just, I don't know, jumped off a cliff or something. Luckily, us humans managed to just discover fire before we got this insane, and with the discovery of fire came the habit of sitting around fireplaces,grilling stuff and talking, as a means of entertainment. Did anyone notice that the word 'discovery' had the word 'disco' in it?
After wasting a number of potential hours reading a book that comprised the Nordic god Thor, a green immortal alien who thrived on drinking every form of beer present in the universe and insulting people in alphabetic order, I have come to think that maybe the Infinite Improbability Drive thing could work. I like how the word Froody sounds. Reminds me of Fred Flinstone. Never liked him.
People have accused me of hogging a mind that was an exceedingly entertaining place to live. Matter of fact, some even went as far as to suggest that I have invented a new form of hallucinogenic form of liquor that has permanent effect. This can not happen, and therefore, has not. Why? Because, had I invented this form of liquor, I would have had such creative energy in me to have burned my way through all the pleasures of life, and got so bored by the time I became 30 I built a time machine so I can go back in time and keep myself company with the only person I feel really understands me, most of the time. Me. However, since I do not have a mega cool middle-age friend who's just as awesome as I am, add the great gizmos of the future, then, yeah, I'm not on that amazing liquor thing. Sorry.
Someday I'll create a new superweapon made of an emo kid with the ability to absorb all negative emotions from the world and use it to self destruct, killing everyone around him/her. This new weapon will make super rich and famous because its usage will be a win-win situation: I get money, the emo kid dies and gets his misery over with, the world loses its content of negative emotion for a while, everyone is happy, the dead people won't have to pay taxes anymore and the people who deployed the bomb got what they wanted. Everybody wins. Maybe I'll offer different models: one with goth kids, others with ghetto kids. This last one will be superb, it can even squirt kool-aid after it's been detonated. Some people would call me a racist, but then I'd give them my talk about the new idiot Drake, yeah, the one who supposedly raps, but that's another story.
So, until next time friends, make sure your poodles are kept away from next winter's supply of ponchos. Sayonara!
I can see a hard disk, silver on top, black and green below,
I have no idea why people use things at parties to make their teeth glow,
Must be a new novelty, but hey, next thing you know,
The next big thing would be to have a double chin grow.
After wasting a number of potential hours reading a book that comprised the Nordic god Thor, a green immortal alien who thrived on drinking every form of beer present in the universe and insulting people in alphabetic order, I have come to think that maybe the Infinite Improbability Drive thing could work. I like how the word Froody sounds. Reminds me of Fred Flinstone. Never liked him.
People have accused me of hogging a mind that was an exceedingly entertaining place to live. Matter of fact, some even went as far as to suggest that I have invented a new form of hallucinogenic form of liquor that has permanent effect. This can not happen, and therefore, has not. Why? Because, had I invented this form of liquor, I would have had such creative energy in me to have burned my way through all the pleasures of life, and got so bored by the time I became 30 I built a time machine so I can go back in time and keep myself company with the only person I feel really understands me, most of the time. Me. However, since I do not have a mega cool middle-age friend who's just as awesome as I am, add the great gizmos of the future, then, yeah, I'm not on that amazing liquor thing. Sorry.
Someday I'll create a new superweapon made of an emo kid with the ability to absorb all negative emotions from the world and use it to self destruct, killing everyone around him/her. This new weapon will make super rich and famous because its usage will be a win-win situation: I get money, the emo kid dies and gets his misery over with, the world loses its content of negative emotion for a while, everyone is happy, the dead people won't have to pay taxes anymore and the people who deployed the bomb got what they wanted. Everybody wins. Maybe I'll offer different models: one with goth kids, others with ghetto kids. This last one will be superb, it can even squirt kool-aid after it's been detonated. Some people would call me a racist, but then I'd give them my talk about the new idiot Drake, yeah, the one who supposedly raps, but that's another story.
So, until next time friends, make sure your poodles are kept away from next winter's supply of ponchos. Sayonara!
I can see a hard disk, silver on top, black and green below,
I have no idea why people use things at parties to make their teeth glow,
Must be a new novelty, but hey, next thing you know,
The next big thing would be to have a double chin grow.
Glazed Pottery
I've been receiving tons of letters from the masses of fans I have out there asking me questions about my personal life, but, today, I choose to share some with you, my readers, fans, haters, and mother (if she managed to find her way here):
Question #457: Ismail, do you prefer electric or manual toothbrushes?
Answer: Manual: They're free to operate, they cost less, and nobody needs more excuses to laze off toothbrush duty. Plus, it comes in more colours. gotta love colours.
Question #385: Dear Ismail, we salute you from an alternate dimensional Earth where us Nazis have managed to create a pan-dimensional radio to listen to your show and transmit your message, and we would like to ask what is your take on the Fuehrer?
Answer: Well, I'd suggest the Fuehrer lose the mustache, this is 2010 for crying outloud, and tell him I say hi, and to thank his mum for her delicious crab cakes.
Question #21: Ismail El-Kharbotly: How do you manage to stay so thin?
Answer: It's a genetic trick developed by my ancestors so that all the ladies would want to have my babies to make sure their kids are as thin as I am. It's working.
Question #409: What inspired you to write your world famous best-seller "Ismail El-Kharbotly's Guide to Understanding Those Shopping-Obsessed Humanoids We Call Women"?
Answer: Well, this might come out as a shock to some fans, but it's really quite simple: I wanetd to write a guide that has my name on it for people who don't understand women, who happen to be humanoids by the way, and who like to shop. The inspiration stemmed from the eternal clash that results between a guy thinking something is gay, which would translate in a woman's mind as sweet. Men hate shopping.
Question #7658: How are you so warm?
Answer: People never believe me when I tell them I'm so hot I'm on FIIIIIIREE, on the inside, that is. Their loss.
Question #998: How do you always keep a smile on our faces?
Answer: By being a good person, helping the old and the poor, teaching the young, driving safely, and eating sugar responsibly. I never take medications without my doctor's prescription, and I eat all my veggies and leave nothing on the table, so I grew up to be big and strong!
Question #45: Who do you think will find this blogpost worth reading?
Answer: I could say something as dramatic as "I write to satisfy the muse within me, not to please any man" but then again, maybe no one will. Does it make a difference?
Question # 768: Waht do you pride yourself on?
Answer: My ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere. Comes in handy.
Question #9976: What's next?
Answer: What's next is that I'll end this blogpost, but first:
I like baked beans, I don't like cauliflower,
I like disco I can feel the power,
But disco is dead and Elvis is from outer space,
He left the critics hanging and went on to a better place.
No idea what Elvis has to do with disco though.
Question #457: Ismail, do you prefer electric or manual toothbrushes?
Answer: Manual: They're free to operate, they cost less, and nobody needs more excuses to laze off toothbrush duty. Plus, it comes in more colours. gotta love colours.
Question #385: Dear Ismail, we salute you from an alternate dimensional Earth where us Nazis have managed to create a pan-dimensional radio to listen to your show and transmit your message, and we would like to ask what is your take on the Fuehrer?
Answer: Well, I'd suggest the Fuehrer lose the mustache, this is 2010 for crying outloud, and tell him I say hi, and to thank his mum for her delicious crab cakes.
Question #21: Ismail El-Kharbotly: How do you manage to stay so thin?
Answer: It's a genetic trick developed by my ancestors so that all the ladies would want to have my babies to make sure their kids are as thin as I am. It's working.
Question #409: What inspired you to write your world famous best-seller "Ismail El-Kharbotly's Guide to Understanding Those Shopping-Obsessed Humanoids We Call Women"?
Answer: Well, this might come out as a shock to some fans, but it's really quite simple: I wanetd to write a guide that has my name on it for people who don't understand women, who happen to be humanoids by the way, and who like to shop. The inspiration stemmed from the eternal clash that results between a guy thinking something is gay, which would translate in a woman's mind as sweet. Men hate shopping.
Question #7658: How are you so warm?
Answer: People never believe me when I tell them I'm so hot I'm on FIIIIIIREE, on the inside, that is. Their loss.
Question #998: How do you always keep a smile on our faces?
Answer: By being a good person, helping the old and the poor, teaching the young, driving safely, and eating sugar responsibly. I never take medications without my doctor's prescription, and I eat all my veggies and leave nothing on the table, so I grew up to be big and strong!
Question #45: Who do you think will find this blogpost worth reading?
Answer: I could say something as dramatic as "I write to satisfy the muse within me, not to please any man" but then again, maybe no one will. Does it make a difference?
Question # 768: Waht do you pride yourself on?
Answer: My ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere. Comes in handy.
Question #9976: What's next?
Answer: What's next is that I'll end this blogpost, but first:
I like baked beans, I don't like cauliflower,
I like disco I can feel the power,
But disco is dead and Elvis is from outer space,
He left the critics hanging and went on to a better place.
No idea what Elvis has to do with disco though.
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