Croton Oil

Here's something new, a little rap freestyle, inspired by Tech N9ne's "So Lonely" ft Blind Fury & Mackenzie O'Guin. Here goes:


Been tryna rap it, like a bad habit, sniffing coke just won't knack it,
Life's a deck you either stack it, flip it, split it, hit it or just plain smack it,
Forever alone's all teary all dreary single but I'd sack it,
I'm a Boss, show some secretary buttocks and I'm gonna shag it,
You a dude but with a pink like a bitch, shake that ass, I gotta smack it,
Whoa there, you a spoiled kitty, you smell fishy, like your mom's sticky icky,
Less spine than a sea cucumber, and less of a hard-on, pity,
On the being a tit scale you score a DD, double shitty,
 Bounce em round, your ass cheeks, you big titty,
You think you grand I think you're as bland as a British cookie,
You think you got it bad when you're playing as a damn rookie,
You think you lonely while having a damn nookie,
You make me sick when you owe like that damn Pookie,
All in all, you a bitch, eunuch prick piece of coochie.



And as for you, cutie pie, sweetie poo, little wiggely sue,
You a girl so calling you pussy just won't do,
Where's your brain? Did you lose it, baby boo?
Oh there it is, in a dog's mouth. Chew, boy, chew,
You such a cutie you dump rainbows in the loo,
But you got more dog brains than Eat-Like-Poo,
Da Korean restaura', yu layk da foo'?
I disagree with Mr. T, I don't pity the fool,
I pity stupid bitches who think they all cool,
I like you less than haemorrhoid blood in passed stool,
A shame y'all didn't drown that day at the pool,
Call the headmaster, how did y'all skive off school?
Lemme puncture your head, ventilate that extra room,
Do you have to pay extra, does it come with an extra bathroom?
Won't you let me in there with my trusty broom?
I'll clean it up more nicely than a newly-wed groom,
Where's my vacuum? Me wanna go vroom vroom vroom,
Maybe suck you all in, bury you in my appliance room.



you think you cute, you sly, you sexy when you smile,
I think I'm queer, I sneer, I don't even like beer,
And mister queer says, wipe off that nasty leer,
You ain't nothing, worth less than a drama queen tear,
Please, put your neck inside my shear,
Won't take long, i promise, have i ever lied my dear?
Maybe feed you to the dogs, first goes your inattentive ear?
I don't write the best rhymes or the best lines, but I hope I strike fear,
Into the hearts of people I once thought sincere,
Trash is out, but oops, i missed a spot, I'll get it all clear,
I punch you out so hard my fist'll get stuck in your ear.



NB: Wow, this sounded much better in my head. Wasn't cut out to be a rapper, I guess. Shame

"Kaboom"

Jallapeno Straw

        Main reason why I'm writing this post: I'm getting sick of people begging me for a new blogpost!

        So I'm listening to Yelawolf's debut, Radioactive, and it's everything I imagined it would be: drinking, smoking, crappy Shady Records production and multiple references to himself in the third person. The boy certainly has talent, I'll give him that, but he needs to work on his game. Ana zah2an, 7ad zah2an 3'ery?

        Ana enaharda kont ma7shoor in a two-metre wide hallway ma3 another 200 individuals waiting for our 3-hour-late exam, while others kano wa5deen Thanksgiving as a day off. If I hear anyone complain I'mma fill 'em with more holes than the Swiss cheese version of 2Pac the day he got shot. Rest in peace Tupac, I bet you wouldn't have used Auto-Tune. Jesus drives a Harley and the Devil wears Prada? Okay, Yela, I'll take your word for it., mister Slumerican. I love bitches.

         I'll wager most of y'all checked the whole Alia the nude revolutionary thing, if not the blog in itself. Now, I really couldn't give a cretin-rat's single testis what anyone thinks, what you, your mother, or your religious-extremist mechanic thinks, but I really think you're giving the girl more than she's worth. Let's face it, the girl's ugly. Her titties got me thinking about all my colleagues at college in a very adult-oriented fashion, and with all that cussing I've witnessed streaming across the internet, I can't help but wonder what would people have said had she actually been hot. My guess: they'd have whined just as much, or more, or less, which proves that their taste is horrible, depending on how you look at it. C'est la vie, really.

        I feel full and sluggish, credit owed to the medium cheese-lover stuffed crust pizza with beef and pineapple toppings I had a short while earlier. I'm running out of good ideas to write about, so I'll be resorting to my favourite technique of just writing whatever comes to mind. Starting now.

         Blank.

         So this is my cue for the night. I'll hopefully be back soon with some new posts but for now, cheerios.

Life is a banana and you're the monkey free
Searching you jump from tree to tree